I haven’t written a post for a wee while. This was the first Christmas as parents, and as a creative sort – I looked forward to making tree ornaments with our baby’s food / hand print, selecting the perfect gifts for our friends and family and planning the ultimate family celebration. In reality, I bought cards that I didn’t write, panic bought food on xmas eve, and did none of the crafty stuff.
Why? Believe me, its not for the lack of want or inspiration. Its not that I don’t want to share, its that since going back to work full time there is literally no time to do the nice things, the pinterest and Instagram things!
An exaggeration? I don’t think so.
My standard working week consists of :
*Monday’s are great (one of my fav days ) – up with Wee C, breakfast with her and then pass her onto her care givers for the day. I have dinner with her most Monday’s too.
I probably do a couple of loads of laundry and put other laundry away
I start the night time routine around 6pm, and this generally takes me up to beyond 8pm (bath, wash, book, bottle, play, book, bottle, bed)
Feed the dogs
Work a little more in the evening
Take out 3 meals for Wee C to deforst overnight
Bed around 10.30
Tuesday- Friday – up at 6
Get clothes out for Wee C and make her morning bottle
Take the dogs
And leave the house around 7.30am
Work all day
Home just before 7pm
Bedtime routine (if I haven’t missed it already)
Wind down for around an hour
Bed around 10
My weekend is made up of housework, batch cooking breakfasts lunches dinners, laundry and a little more work, taking the dogs a walk
*I am lucky that my employer is allowing me (for one year) to work from home 2 days a week, and if it were not for this I wouldn’t see my daughter much at all mon-Friday and then I would still need to do the laundry/housework/cooking at the weekend.
How do other working mums do it? If you juggle, let me know your secret…PLEASE!
Oh and did I mention the ‘mummy paranoia’?
This, for me, is five fold.
- The work paranoia – at work I feel that I have to constantly to prove how ‘in control’ I am. How I have my finger on all the pulses, and that despite being a mum I have NOT developed baby brain, and I have NOT swapped my career aspirations for the play school. I feel that my output is being scrutinised and at any time, all that I have worked so hard for my whole career will come tumbling down.
- The mummy paranoia – I am scared that as I am a full time mum, that I am missing out on my childs’ development. It took Wee C 10 months to crawl, if I was there more often would she be walking already?
- The parental paranoia – I am so aware of taking advantage of our elderly parents. Granny & Papa A and Nana & Papa D have wanted to be grandparents for a VERY long time – infact they thought their granny boat had sailed. So, the fact that they look after our daughter during the week is awesome. But, I am scared that I ask too much of them! L
- The Friendship Paranoia – in amongst this is my guilt that I have ‘ditched’ the majority of my friends. Friends whom I would see weekly/fortnightly I have not seen for months. I don’t want them to think ive dumped them – when I am not working, I am with my baby!
- Pet Owner Paranoia – If I haven’t taken the dogs for a good 2 mile + walk at least 3 times a week, I feel that I have let them down.
I am an overthinker, I am sensitive AF, I cry at the drop of the hat but I am also incredibly happy (when im not doing any of the above!). Happier than I have ever been. I just wish could turn that little section of my brain off – the bit that says ‘what do they all think of you’ ‘can you really do it all?’
The whole of my career and my social life, come to think of it, I have been the control freak. I always do the planning, booking etc – that way I know that it will be done to my standard or the way I like it.
The definition of a control freak according to the Urban Dictionary is : Person/persons who, if not in control of many aspects in other’s lives will go ballistic. This ensues telling, demanding, and finally just doing what they wanted all along.
Pretty accurate I’d say!
The other day there someone said to me ‘we are worried that you are losing control’.
That, hurt a lot. It takes a lot of effort to juggle and I would (absolutely) hate to think that I was being perceived as struggling.
However the truth is, I actually enjoy giving people autonomy, I have enjoyed letting go slightly, and I certainly enjoy having more time to attend to Lisa Allan-Downie’s priorities.
If I could just have an extra few hours in the day, and a little more energy that would be great.
So friends, bloggers, influencers, igers…I plan on riding it out. What will be will be. I will continue to do my best, strive for more and expect more in return. And hopefully I will learn to deal with my demons and paranoias! Fingers crossed
Here’s hoping my 2018 is filled with longer days and more energy J